Captain Alwaysapleasure and I are landlubbers this year. We spent the last four winters sailing, and the last two of those, sailing in the Bahamas. We planned to return to the Bahamas this year but, heartbreakingly, the Bahamas got annihilated by Hurricane Dorian. And then we decided to move. We are selling our Stillwater, Minnesota family home of twenty-four years and moving twelve hundred miles away. (Hey Stillwater peeps, buy our house!) There was not enough wine in the world to persuade the princess to add a sailing adventure amidst the moving mayhem. So, we are sheltering in place in our new home in Durango, Colorado.
It struck me how quickly John and I adapted to this captivity. We have the unique experience as sailors of living in tiny quarters for long periods of time with sparse supplies and never being quite far enough away from one another. We are used to slim selections at grocery stores as this is the norm in the Bahamas. There, you feel like you’ve struck gold when you find a sparse bunch of droopy asparagus for $11.00. Also, toilet paper is a luxury that you learn to use sparingly. And constant companionship is normal although not easy. For me, that is. I’m sure it is quite delightful for Captain Luckywiththeprincess.
So, I thought we would share some insight on how to live so closely and constantly with one another without maiming them. I told Captain Soveryenthusiasticandhelpful of my idea and asked him to contribute. “What are some tips that people might find helpful?” I asked. “Don’t get married,” was his immediate response. “Very funny, Captain I’mputtingfingerprintsonyourmotorcycle. Seriously, what advice would you give?” “Don’t write a blog with your spouse or encourage your spouse to write a blog.” Alas, this is the extent of Captain Backtohisbeer’s contribution. But fear not, stranded and annoyed! I have some valuable tips for you!
Tip #1 LEARN TO IGNORE EACH OTHER.
Are you tired of your mate’s attempts to burp the entire alphabet at once? (He rarely gets beyond H.) Or, like me, are you hopelessly inept at loading a dishwasher properly no matter how much lengthy and repetitive instruction you are given? Just let it go. Ignore them. It’s not worth getting your panties in a pinch. The more you both can ignore each other, the happier you will be.
Tip #2 FIND A PLACE TO HIDE.
We all need space. It is hard to find a place to hide, particularly when you live on a forty-two foot sailboat. You need to get creative. I tell Captain Likestohearhimselftalk, “If you see me holding a book, you don’t see me.” Captain Lovesaprojectormaybeitsme? hides in his garage. He blares heavy metal on our old stereo. Good. Go bang your head.
Tip #3 TAKE A SHOWER.
Does this need any explanation?
Only in Durango do you take your horse and your ass for a bath at the car wash
Tip #4 LIE.
Give each other false compliments. Go ahead, lie if you have to. Here is your homework. Every day give your mate a compliment whether you feel it or not. Do it. It works magic. By the way, you’re a great reader.
Tip #5 GET ANGRY. GET OVER IT.
Keep those emotions in motion. Don’t let them fester. Sometimes you just can’t ignore it. “What is so hard about loading a dishwasher?!!” I know, I know. I don’t know. I’m sorry.
Tip #6 WINE.
Wine is a magical elixir that makes your mate even funnier and extra handsome. As Charles Beaudelaire says, “One should always be drunk. That’s all that matters…But with what? With wine, with poetry, or with virtue, as you chose. But get drunk.” (Get drunk on nature! Take a walk together everyday!) Still don’t believe me about the gargantuan benefits of wine? Would you believe Louis Pasteur? “Wine is the most healthful and most hygienic of beverages.” Seeee? But do take Oscar Wilde’s advice. “Everything in moderation, including moderation.”
Tip #7 WANDERLUST
Whether on the open sea or the open road, wander. Go for a drive. It doesn’t have to be far. Turn down a road you’ve never been down. Wander. Wonder. Wander. Wonder. Together.
Tip #8 REMIND YOURSELF OFTEN WHY YOU FELL IN LOVE IN THE FIRST PLACE.
In Madison, Wisconsin, during the summer of 1985, my girlfriend (Monica!!) and I walked out of my apartment building and into the parking lot where there was a small kegger party taking place. It was a colorful lot of male characters who beckoned us to quench our thirst with them. There was nary a seat. A kind and sightly gentlemen offered me the armrest of his sawed-off, dirty faux leather, picked up from the side of the road, recliner to sit upon. As soon as my delicate derriere perched daintily on the armrest he put his arm around me and pulled me into his lap. My first thoughts of my future Captain were, this man is completely nuts and has more balls than are good for him. But I laughed and stayed put. I remind myself that I still laugh and it helps me stay put even though the man is completely nuts and has more balls than are good for him.
I hope my marital toleration tips are helpful. I am no expert at marriage as Captain Usedcarmarriagephilosopher will tell you. “Why trade in this used car for another one? At least with this one I know what is most likely to break down and how to fix it.” We wish you fair winds, following seas, an abundance of good health and happiness at home!
27 thoughts on “A Sailor’s 8 Tips to Marital Toleration While Sheltering in Place”
I am always so happy when I see the blog!! And to get a “nod” wowza! Yay! Hope you are doing ok… Durango! Awesome. One of my friends from college sister went to school there and still visits all the time! Stay healthy! Monica.
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You’ll have to come to visit with her. We live up by the college. Back to our Colorado college day roots!
Good to see these again.
Appreciate it. You, too, Tim!
Hi Princess, What great advice. The staying drunk along with ignoring were good. Hope all is well and thanks for the great read and pics as well. Say hi to the Captain Gary G
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Drink, ignore. It is in my royal blood. I got this. I will pass along your greetings. The universe very cruelly dumped 12 inches of fresh powder the day after they closed Purgatory. ****sigh****
Thank you Princess for your gifts of beauty and laughter! You made my day. Who is the guy in the last pic with the mustache?
Love you lots, L.
On Mon, Mar 30, 2020, 7:45 PM Echoes and Sea Alice wrote:
> echoesandseaalice posted: ” Captain Alwaysapleasure and I are landlubbers > this year. We spent the last four winters sailing, and the last two of > those, sailing in the Bahamas. We planned to return to the Bahamas this > year but, heartbreakingly, the Bahamas got ” >
The Princess owes it to her subjects to share handsome pictures of her Captain with various states of facial hair growth. I love you lots, too.
A great post!
Thanks, Captain Dick! I bet you adapted to hunkering down quite easily yourself. Only, too bad you can’t just dive off your back porch into the sea for a swim. Take good care of yourself and give my best to Jill!
Excellent Candis! 😄 I keep thinking of all the things I learned on the boat that are helping me now but which my lazy arse is delaying putting on the blog…I may now be motivated to continue your theme to general matters including “Don’t eat all the tomatoes on Monday”, “I will f#*@ing well make myself do 2 jobs a day” and “What I learned from the Marines 6 secrets of Mental Toughness”….
Wow, you moved house guys!! Just when the price of oil dropped so you could really heat that place 😂😂 Hope you will be really happy in your new hood. Lots of love to you both, Sue xxx
Hahaha!!!!! Great tips! Do that blog!!! You’ve got the beginning of it right there! Give my love to Larry!
Ahoy there! Wander-Wonder-Repeat. We are right there with ya! But for me, its less wine and more rum. Best to you on this next leg of the adventure! Dan
No regrets! Right, Dan? Hope Bon Aire doesn’t get hit too hard with the virus. ….Rum works, too. Especially with pineapple juice. How about the transition back to life in the states? A little shocking, eh?
Really nice to hear how from you! Your posts are as creative as ever! Glad to hear you guys are doing good and sounds like this craziness is sorta normal for you 🙂 Can’t wait to hear from you again! Stay safe.
Awww, Pam. I miss you and the gang. Give my best to Sandy and the rest of the smellies. Yep, crazy is normal!!! Take good care.
I had no idea that you were such an eloquent writer. Our boys knew each other – and I
guess, honestly, that we didn’t know each other. My loss. So glad you are in such a beautiful, peaceful part of the world. LOVE your writing – please keep it up!
Thanks, Marilyn! Those are very humbling and encouraging words. From my memory, music was the passion in your house! I hope you and yours are making beautiful music and keeping healthy!
Great to hear about your new life! Have missed you. You and your hubby a very brave to do this. Take good care of yourself and your family.
By the way, you are an eloquent writer with a great sense of humor❤️❤️
Thank you, my most gracious mentor of the highest order, QUEEN OF WINE!!!!! I have missed you as well. You would not believe my luck or my magnificent powers of manifestation!!! My new neighbor has a wine cellar to die for and is worried that some of the wine may be reaching the end of its best life. HALLELUJAH! Pinch me!!!!
You and yours be well!
Great to see a new post here, Candis. Cap’n John can be just as maddening in a big house with lots of places to escape. It’s especially tough seeing those beautiful pictures knowing that we were supposed to be there this week. My liver is thanking me but the rest of me is pretty sad. Guess we’ll trade those skis this week for hiking boots later this year…
I think we all feel the madness! I am in no way responsible for your liver…much. Make that trade!
Your timing could not be more perfect!! Excellent advice!! Hysterical! Thanks, Candis!!
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Very timely read for me. Must have said the wrong thing. He just left on a solo walk. Love your advice. Especially the ignore part.
Quick! Now is your chance. Grab the toilet paper and wine, get in the car and make your break!
Thanks for the blog. Good reading and great advice! Take care and hunker down.
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Candis, thanks for the marital advice – something I can always use although I have been accused of only learning by my own marital mistakes. Plenty of learning opportunities over the years. Thanks again for the use of your home and husband during our visit in January. A winter highlight for me. It appears you and John have made a smooth transition to land and your relocation. Let’s hope the virus issue gets resolved and we are able to get together when you are back in MN this summer. Hope all is well with your family! Say hello to the Captain for me.